Manifold Mischief

Mission reviews, essays, and documents of record regarding The Matrix Online. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Sugar Shack 16: Mission Reviews: The Chef: God of Cookery

Sugar Shack 16: Mission Reviews: The Chef: God of Cookery

We all think fondly of Cypher downing wine and steak as he deals with Agent Smith, the Merovingian waxing poetic over Chateaubriand, and the squalorous drivel fed to the brave, misinformed crews of Zion. It’s no surprise that one Exile has found a path to the kitchen. The Chef stands stoically outside a large office building in Pillsen at -243, 19, 320, near the Zeitgeist Club. But behind his cool mask beats an insecure heart, fretting about his art, and whether he has been truly successful. This professional yearning finds its outlet in five missions, all centered on obtaining information and resources.

1. Paging

The Chef needs a special recipe from the famous packrat Hypatia, and she will not give it up without him doing something for her: getting rid of some nuisance Exiles. She reciprocates with generosity one seldom experiences from Exiles, and warm words for you. She must remember me from doing her mishes last week!

2. And a Bottle of Rum

For a rare dish some rare rum must be obtained from the Bartender’s stock. This becomes vastly more complicated when you kill the wrong people, discover it has been stolen and the Chef must yield professional information in recompense, only to find someone else has it and is using it at that very moment. The Exile telling you this (“Have fun!”) starts slapping his knee in laughter. As usual, you must retrieve it and kill everyone involved. One cute note: as you kill the competing chef (dismissed by the Chef as an “incompetent hack”) and staff to retrieve the rum, you note a bottle of diet soda perched on a desk! Better make sure that’s rum in the bottle!

3 Bedtime Reading

He needs help getting some of the ancient recipes translated. Simple in theory, this becomes tough in execution, since you have to escort not one but two low-level NPCs a long way through the dangerous streets of the downtown area. Count on at least one attack. Of course, once they get to their destination, the task is trivial. Curiously, others seem to be after the same programs you are.

4. Spice Story

Spice from the Bartender is also needed. But after a recent fiasco, she is ill-disposed to cooperate, and thus a diversion attack is necessary: wipe out a safe house of hers (not so dissimilar from a raid on a house of the Seamstress for the Weaver). The spice is then obtained, and taken to a flunky chef. This chef’s staff is none too impressed with you, and make a number of rude comments, like “You probably can’t even appreciate the kind of dishes we create. Cretin!” and “I don’t think you would appreciate what we have to offer. Why don’t you go get some greasy fast food?”

5 If I’d Known You Were Coming

The Chef has prepared a masterpiece work for Mr. Black, using the rum and spice and ancient recipes we have gathered for him. We need to get some icing tools to an assistant, and then take the finished product to Mr. Black. When his flunkies check the finished work, it turns out that there has been a miscalculation and a fight breaks out! Surprise, surprise! The Chef’s reputation will never be the same, and he gives me a useless pair of pants as a hasty going away present. The Chef’s disappointment is well-portrayed; mine must be imagined. Not even an éclair!

After reading so much about food, and smelling so much expended gunpowder, I wanted to get dressed up and go to the Merovingian’s sunny, trendy spot for a leisurely lunch. And, really, this mish suite could have been so easily built around the Merovingian’s palate, with his murmured appreciation and Persephone’s purrs. It’s unclear why the austere Mr. Black was selected. I mean, has he done something to deserve it? And as we all know, cake plays an important role in Merovingian culture; I am surprised that no one thought to or found a way to work this into these mishes.

Nonetheless, there are many well-written moments, a few of which I have already shared. In mid-mission, the Chef starts ruminating, “I have heard of ancient human writings that describe fine wines, delicate pastries, decadent feasts…I wonder what did they actually taste like? How would they compare to the tastes of food here in the Matrix? Have we even come close? I wonder…Hmm? Oh, yes, good work and all that. Please get the recipe for me”. And the mishes well capture the obsessive professionalism of gods of cookery.

Thanks once again to Sattakan, Illyria1, Blackfir3, and R0ukan, who added so much to these missions.

This review may be found at, along with other reviews and writings relevant to MxO.